Have you given yourself credit for those not-so-big moments and little victories?
A little side note to this blog, I had this topic come to mind in the middle of training, so I stopped my workout to write down the ideas. Little did I know, how meaningful this post would be just a week later.
As with many people, I am continuing to rediscover myself, my purpose, and to find more meaning in my life. The way that I have chosen to do this is by self-reflection and purposeful action in creating the life and legacy I want for myself and family. In doing that I have purchased and utilized many different tools. Last night I was doing a worksheet where the main goal was to create clarity about how I wanted to show up in the world. Something that I never actually made a conscious effort to do.
As I filled in the sheet, I was slapped in the face with a realization. The person that I had always thought I was, the person that I believed I was didn’t really exist. She did not exist because I had not intentionally molded her, and took deliberate action to be her. Well, at least not for a long time, or the last five years. In that moment, the panic, disappointment, guilt, shame, and magnitude hit like a ton of bricks and I began to sob uncontrollably. The fact that I had been reacting to life, and walking through it in lethargy was crushing.
My husband, hadn’t come to bed yet, so when he walked he instantly had that “oh shit, what the hell happened” look. He asked what was wrong and if he had done something to upset me. I could barely utter the words I what I was feeling, but I managed to stutter out the words, that I, Little Miss Badass, Tonya-mutha-f*cking-Williams (inside joke here), felt like a complete failure. In the middle of the worst ugly crying of my life, my husband held me tight and let me snob and snot on his shirt; all the while he reasoned with me to tell me that I hadn’t failed, that I was still moving forward, and that my journey wasn’t over.
I am sure that I am not the only one this has happened too, and that I won’t be the last. So, how do we as people, take stock of the little victories to see the bigger picture that is coming together? I have found a few things that I think is important to help you avoid a meltdown of epic proportions.
Write It Down.
There is a quote that I see pop up from time to time.
Don’t look back — you’re not going that way.Mary Engelbreit
This quote that has great value and makes sense in so many circumstances. However, it should not be followed entirely or too literally. There are people who live entirely in the past, and fail to move forward or see what is around them. The truth is, that every so often you should sit back and take a look at your past. For many people, this will help you see just how far you have come and can even give you an indication of where you still need to go.
For instance, maybe you have been able to leave a toxic relationship. Maybe you have been able to leave that relationship you still find yourself enamored with people that are similar to the person who have put behind you. Looking back at that relationship can let you see that you have moved forward in some ways, but still have work to do to move passed that type of person.
Point being, look back sometimes to see how far you have come, because when you see how far you come it can motivate to know how far you can and will go.
Comparison. Side-By-Side If You Must
When it comes to my clients, one of the most important things they can do for themselves is to take a photo at the beginning of the process they are in and during. These photos comparison photos are a great tool to help you see what you have been able to accomplish.
Comparison is the thief of joy”Theodore roosevelt
This quote is undoubtedly true when it comes to comparing your life journey to those around you. When you begin to see others succeed, and compare your limitations or lack of progress, it can shatter confidence and the joy you are feeling. However, there are times when you should compare yourself to where you were to where you are going. If you have ever began the process of change and compared the start to the end it can be so rewarding when you earned it and put in the work.
Think weight loss images, tattoo before and afters, home remodels. What was moment in time that you had a positive comparison from something in your own life? Think back on that time, and remember how good that felt. Don’t forget that feeling and remember it every time that you struggle, or are being extremely hard on yourself.
Are You Selling Your Small Achievements Short?
In reading and listening to different personal development content there is the same piece of advice that keeps surfacing. We has people, especially here in the US tend to be in the grind of succeeding, doing more, being more, achieving more, and getting more. So much so that we forget to be present in the moment and take a minute to enjoy the work that we do.
When you are in the middle of the meltdown or in a negative space remember where you came from and the small goals you have achieved along the way. For instance, in my journey of finding my purpose, I was able to get some really big contracts for my network marketing business. I mean HUGE contracts that placed me in particular markets. Breaking in to this market has been on my goal list since year one! It took three years and continuously following up, but man, it is a really big deal that I was able to grab the contracts. In doing so, it is has helped my business exponentially.
So, what small goals yet big accomplishments have you been able to achieve in your process. When you look at it that way, doesn’t it feel like you are unstoppable? Don’t you feel like anything is possible? With the right action plan, persistence, patience, and help you can achieve so much. Remember that, and don’t sell your small achievements short.
Consistency Is Crucial To Make Actual Progress
Here is a question for you, and you need to be one hundred percent honest with yourself. Are you asking for results and rewards that you haven’t earned by doing the work and being consistent? This is a very bitter pill to swallow, but at the end of the day, we get the results we want when we do those two things.
If your melt down is because of this then now is the time to find someone that will help you be compassionately honest with yourself. It really sucks to take responsibility for the lack of results we get, but when you do it is a freeing moment that you can hold on to and let it propel you to be better.
Let’s Make Your List Now
Take a few moments to begin to write down some of your little victories. What have you improved upon lately? Where have you taken intentional action to move forward in your goals? Can’t think of anything? Do you even have goals?
Now is the time to create those small goals and little victories. Are you notoriously late for everything, which has translated to poor relationships with your friends, family, co-workers? Maybe now is the time that you commit to prepping your clothes, bag, briefcase, lunch, and all other materials the night before so you can get out of the house fully prepared.
Maybe you want to get healthy as your New Year resolution? Why not start today? Maybe take the time to create your action plan write it out on paper. Then give it a try to see if it is sustainable for your life when it comes to family, work, hobbies, and commitments. If it’s not, it is better to know now then in the New Year when you are excited, motivated and focused.
Take a few moments to write a few things down for yourself.
A total meltdown is okay. Think about it; meltdown’s are actually quite natural. If you have them, don’t your kids have meltdowns? Sure, they are not pretty, but really it is just a release of feelings and emotions. When your kids lose it it is typically a strong response to getting their way, right? Well as adults, we are not immune from having feelings and feeling them intensely. The only difference is that we tend to stuff it away to get through the day instead of acknowledging them in the moment. Do that too many times and all that baggage is bound to come out. When it does, there is a new kind of clarity behind it. When your brain space is not bogged down with all the unacknowledged feelings it has more energy to focus on the good stuff.
With all that said, if you are feeling depression, having thoughts about self-harm or suicide, or both, please seek help. There is only one you and the world is lucky to have you in it.
Thank you for spillin it with me,